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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has long been the safe haven for daily publications, and writers stay alert regarding memorable lavatory incidents and key events, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to find out that a prominent writer a well-known presenter has a West Brom-themed urinal in his house. Reflect for a moment about the Tykes follower who took the rest room somewhat too seriously, and was rescued from an empty Oakwell stadium post-napping in the lavatory midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “His footwear was missing and misplaced his cellphone and his hat,” elaborated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And everyone remembers at the pinnacle of his career at Manchester City, the controversial forward popped into a local college to use the facilities in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Later he simply strolled round the campus acting like the owner.”

The Lavatory Departure

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit as England manager following a short conversation in a toilet cubicle alongside FA executive David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, FA Confidential, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room directly following the fixture, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies located him seated – reminiscent of his 1996 Liverpool behavior – in the corner of the dressing room, saying quietly: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find [for a chat] that was private?” stated Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with an England manager as players dived into the water. Merely one possibility emerged. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of a stadium facing demolition. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I closed the door after us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably over the past twenty-five years. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are no longer present, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

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Quote of the Day

“There we stood in a long row, in just our underwear. We were Europe’s best referees, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina examined us thoroughly with an ice-cold gaze. Mute and attentive” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures officials were once put through by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Soccer Mailbag

“What does a name matter? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not exactly! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie stay to manage the main squad. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles.

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and distributed some merchandise, I have decided to put finger to keypad and offer a concise remark. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the schoolyard with youngsters he anticipated would defeat him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|